Yesterday was so bad that I didn't want to post about it. Well, at least not until I'd had some time to process everything and be in a less negative frame of mind.
I got four hours of sleep yesterday, because Girl Child threw the biggest tantrum I've ever seen her throw when J wouldn't let her go downstairs before school. It was five o'clock in the morning. She managed to wake everyone, including the Toddler. I was so angry with her, because she threw off the entire day for everyone, and I am much less patient when I am tired, and I need to be able to be patient, because the Toddler is only 18 months old, and I was not as patient with him as I could have been. I was so exhausted I couldn't cook dinner, which was okay because S and M went out for dinner last night and I didn't have any because I was too exhausted and ended up going to bed around 7:30.
I was in bed for almost 12 hours last night. I slept for almost all of that time.
Nothing of note really happened yesterday beyond the epic tantrum, and I'm not going into detail about that to protect Girl Child's privacy. I don't want her to have to read about it (she reads this blog when she isn't grounded), and I don't want her to decide to revisit this blog when she's 20 and freak out. Because I love her anyway, even when she is being awful. I know that it's only because she's 12 and miserable, because everyone is miserable when they're 12. So I love her anyway, even when she spends months being absolutely awful to me, like she was over the winter.
I think I've mentioned this previously, but for the first time in my life, I have long fingernails. I'm finally not so fucked up that I bite my nails constantly anymore. I've bitten my nails for longer than I can remember. I've had them long for about two months now. I don't think they're particularly attractive (my middle and ring finger nails on both hands grow funny), but they're long. Actually, at the moment, they're too long and I'm having difficulty typing.
I've been reading the blog of someone that I have known for over 10 years, though I don't really know him now. He's part of the reason I started blogging on LiveJournal, and he was one of my closest friends while I was living with my mother, and then everything went to hell in 2005 and we barely spoke after that. Reading his blog, though all but the most recent entry is about three years old.. it led to a lot of introspection and self-examination that made me think some things I'm not ready to put into writing yet. I'm very glad to be back in contact with him, because I have missed him a lot. I shall dub him C. (I think I'm going to make a separate page on this blog soon for keeping the cast of people I talk about straight, I'm starting to get really confused when I talk about people, since I'm only using initials and other things to identify them in order to preserve privacy. That's why I have yet to mention my name or give any indication as to who I am, so that that way the people that may eventually read this that don't really know me won't know or hold it against real-life me.)
Anyway. I need to wrap this up, S and I need to run errands while the Toddler is napping, so hopefully I'll find the time and energy to write later about some of my other thoughts, if they ever become coherent enough to bother writing about.
I absolutely love the music that M makes. It's perfect for helping me concentrate, which is why I want it.