Sunday, June 26, 2011

Mom's "Morales"

My mother has this incredible power to irritate the piss out of me.  I posted a status on my Facebook about how New York just made gay marriage legal.  Because, y’know, people should get to marry whoever they want, saying marriage is between one man and one woman is a little biblical for my taste when it comes to my government.  I mean, don’t marry your dog, that’s just weird, but love shouldn’t be restricted by a bunch of arbitrary rules made by people who are too puritanical to see that love comes in many forms.

Anyway.  I posted about being happy that gay marriage will soon be legal in New York.  My mother decided this meant I was a lesbian.  And since she does this to me occasionally, whenever I post about anything outside the “norm” that I happen to approve of, I toyed with her a bit.  She had the nerve to tell me that she hopes I’m not planning on marrying a woman (I’m not), and that she still wants grandchildren from me and hopes I marry a man.

My problems with this involve the fact that she assumes that I have to get married to reproduce and that she has a problem with the concept of me being a lesbian.  Of course, she first thought I was in New York (all my status said was basically “yay New York!”), but once I corrected that and explained what my status was about, she just had to say that she hoped I wouldn’t get into a relationship with a same sex partner, due to the desire for grandchildren.  Not that she’d see them all that often, due to her often having CRAZY TIME.  But anyway, this comment thread degenerated into an argument about how if I get pregnant out of wedlock, we’re having a shotgun wedding and how my “morales” are wrong.

No.  No no no no no.  See, if my morals were a problem, I wouldn’t care about anyone but myself.  I would steal, murder, and do... other things.  (Apparently, I’ve gotten so good at being a good person that I can’t even think of things that would be horrible.)  Also, I informed her that she can’t legally make me do anything, and that includes getting married if I choose not to be, and that marriage is not necessary for a stable, loving relationship, nor is it necessary for the purpose of raising a happy, healthy, well-adjusted child.  Her idea of “proper” and mine are apparently completely different, though it’s not like I particularly care about “proper” so much.

Then she accused me of being the anti-christ.  Well, she said she didn’t raise me to be anti-Christ, which is what I think she meant.  And now I will quote myself:

“I do not believe in your dear and fluffy lord. God is a myth. God has no bearing on how I live my life. I live my life for me, and do my best to be a good person to the people in my life. I do my best to be kind and supportive to those around me. I do not murder people, do drugs, commit genocide, or anything horrible. I believe everyone deserves to live with equality, whether they're transgender, gay, straight, bi, black, white, or purple.

And it's not like you exactly raised me, so you can't pull that card here. If I want to become a mother without being saddled with a man who will want to change me, there is nothing wrong with that. I will not be hurting anyone.

I will not live my life by an arbitrary set of rules dictated by people who have nothing better to do than orchestrate other peoples' lives for them. Your god's rules do not apply to me. I will make my own rules, my own moral code, with which to live by, because I am not going to go through life feeling guilty for every damn thing I do.”

It is my choice how I live my life.  Fortunately, I want to be a good person, not even necessarily do some good in the world, I’m only one person, but I care about more than just me.  This is just one in a series of incidents with my mother that makes me angry.  She has blamed me for every problem she’s had for years: she couldn’t have more kids, her marriage is falling apart, her husband’s health is failing, she can’t manage her own finances, her husband can’t manage to stop drinking, she lost her job, her husband lost his job, their house was foreclosed.  All of these are at least partly my fault, if you ask her.  I’m so fucking sick of that crap.  None of that was my fault.  I was only twelve years old when I moved in with them.  I didn’t force whiskey down his throat, I didn’t give her a medical problem that ended her ability to have children, I didn’t mess up their marriage, I didn’t force them to stop paying their bills.

This is the one area of my life that I am bitter about, and I am not happy to be bitter.

I don’t even know where I’m going with this anymore. 

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Art, Weird Dreams, and Laundry

I didn't do anything yesterday.  I did a couple loads of laundry, one of which was necessitated by J using the weedwhacker on all the weeds and cutting down all the saplings in the back, and his whole body ended up contaminated with poison ivy.  Wheeee!  Fortunately, he seems to be one of those rare people who doesn't react to poison ivy, because so far he hasn't developed a rash at all.  Lucky man.

I did some more art with Sharpies yesterday while watching Firefly.  Some of them turned out pretty interesting.  However, I've also finished the series, so all I've got is the movie now, and then I'm going to have to find something else to have on while I draw.  S told me that I could probably sell some of my art and make some good money with some of it - particularly an acrylic painting I made in 2005 that's of a naked female torso.  A blue naked female torso.  Apparently that could be worth a lot, according to S.  I don't particularly think I'm all that talented - the things S draws are much more beautiful than the things I've made.  Anyway, the Sharpie drawings are apparently not too bad either, just psychedelic.  Heh.

J took the eight million loads of dirty laundry downstairs last night while I was sleeping, which is awesome.  Once my back stops hurting, I'm going to get started on that stuff.  For some reason, I always wake up in a lot of pain, no matter where I sleep, and it makes it difficult to move around for a couple of hours after waking.

This morning, I had a bizarre dream where first I was in a house with some people - this part is really fuzzy.  Robin Williams was there, though.  Then I was fixing something at the church I attended as a child with my grandparents in the restroom.  Father Frank was there, sort of.  I was both 11 and 24, at the same time, in that weird way dreams have of allowing things to be that way.  Anyway, I had a good conversation with a boy I attended elementary school with that I was sometimes friends with - he went to my 11th birthday party, but we didn't hang out a whole lot because boys and girls don't really hang out at that age.  We were, I think, the only two kids in our grade who weren't being raised by our parents.  He was being raised by his grandmother (possibly his grandparents, we weren't close so I don't know), and I was being raised by my grandparents, and our parents were otherwise absent.  Anyway, we were chatting in church and then there were some stairs and then I went outside for a smoke, which was the weird part, because I wasn't really eleven.  I was wearing a really awesome skirt and a jacket and something else.  And my awesome green hat, or something similar.  Anyway, a storm was beginning, and I was trying to find a place to go that I wouldn't get caught smoking because I didn't want to be expelled.  And then S yelled, "You are so cute!" in the living room, and I turned around and suddenly I woke up.

Yesterday, S had to take Sunshine to the vet again because she has been acting funny and we were worried that she might actually have some nerve damage or something - she won't go outside to pee or anything, and she's been very fearful since she got hit by the car.  We thought that there was a high likelihood that S and Girl Child were going to come home without her, so there was a lot of crying while we were getting everything ready for the vet trip, but Sunshine seems to be fine, and the vet has her on anti-anxiety meds now.  I think she's doing better, she even got a little excited about me petting her when I got up this morning.  The meds also help her pain, so hopefully that'll fix her up until she's completely healed and she forgets about getting hit by a car.  Unfortunately, the dumbass keeps trying to escape out the front door - she won't go outside to potty where it's safe in the back yard, but she's perfectly happy to endanger her life by attempting to go out the front door.  Stupid dog.

We've got Aladdin on, which makes me very happy - I love that movie.  It was my favorite in second grade.

Anyway, once I wake up some, I'm going to start some laundry and then ... do... stuff?

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Epic Laundry Day

Girl Child is wonderful.  I’ve spent a huge portion of today folding all the clean laundry (seven baskets or so and a very large hamper), while S hung up all of the hanging stuff and sorted out what she’s going to deal with tomorrow, and after I folded all of Girl Child’s clean clothes for her, I asked her to please put it all away in her dresser (as I need the basket, there’s a similar proportion of dirty laundry that needs to be taken down).  She did it without arguing, gave me the basket, and offered to assist me in collecting all the dirty laundry and getting it into baskets to take downstairs.  I love it when she’s wonderful.

I feel really accomplished after getting all that done - everyone now has clean clothes that they can find!  We even reorganized the system we had for the Toddler’s clothes and bedding, and we’ve already collected a bunch of clothes for donations out of the clean laundry.  Well, there’s still the socks, but there’s always the socks.  I don’t think we’ll ever find all the socks.

Anyway, that’s pretty much what happened today.  I’ve started another Sharpie drawing, partly in anticipation of when we rearrange bedrooms so I can cover the walls with art.  Also because I really like being creative with Sharpies.  I miss the construction paper art I used to do, but there’s no space to do that here, at least right now.  Maybe after J installs the dishwasher so there’s more room in the living room.

Girl Child ended up not helping get the laundry collected - the Toddler helped me instead.  I’m exhausted.  There are five regular baskets, two large laundry bags, two small laundry baskets, and the huge hamper full of laundry.  I also managed to vacuum the hallway, and now the Toddler is in bed.

Actually, hanging out with the Toddler was a lot of fun, actually - I was folding a last load of clothing and singing to him and playing with him and generally having a blast with him.  Then I spent 45 minutes with him, putting all the dirty laundry in the newly emptied baskets, which was both frustrating and hilarious.

Woo hoo, laundry.

Anyway, I’ve got a lot more to do tonight before I get the chance to relax and die a little before I go pass out.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Hulk Lady, the Ring of Power, and Yarn

S is kind of like the Hulk, but without the radiation.  If we did not have her, Girl Child and I would never be able to eat anything that is kept in a jar ever again, unless J was available to open it.  This is because J has some sort of weird thing about having to close jars as tightly as possible so everything stays fresh.

Girl Child just brought me a jar of hot fudge and asked me to try to open it for her because she couldn’t get it.  She and I have about the same level of strength, so that was a fail.  I apparently turned purple and looked quite funny, because she laughed at me.  Then she took it to S, who exerted absolutely no effort and opened it immediately.  I imagine if S did not have so many physical problems, she could pick me up and toss me around like a rag doll.  Then there's W, who could easily throw me around like a rag doll.  He's a little scary, actually.

Anyway, things have been pretty standard around here.  The car turned out to be fine - the starter wasn’t the problem, but rather the battery, which died.  The shop told S that they weren’t going to charge her anything for looking at it - they said it needs new brake pads and a new battery, and they weren’t going to charge her for telling her this, so she got an oil change, which made the car run beautifully, and she changed the battery herself, and they’re getting new brake pads next week and changing those themselves, I believe.  So yay, it wasn’t something that was going to be horrible to attempt to fix.

S wants to quit smoking, and I think I’m going to attempt to quit with her this time, as long as J doesn’t smoke in the house anymore.  My willpower is just about as good as S’s, so I do hope he’s willing to do it outside until he quits.

I miss wearing my filigree ring and having a ring on my left hand.  My filigree ring broke awhile ago, and I can’t exactly wear my engagement ring, since, y’know, I’m not engaged anymore.  I’ve switched to my high school class ring for my right hand and my green onyx claddagh for my left, but it’s not really the same.

Yeah, I’m not terribly exciting today.  I’m exhausted, actually.  I’m not sure why I’m so tired, because I got a decent amount of sleep last night, but I think I’m going to have to nap before tonight.  Tonight we’re supposed to start watching Return of the King with M, and I don’t want to fall asleep during it, since I love the Lord of the Rings movies.  I can’t wait for The Hobbit to come out.

S and I have made plans to go see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 in the theater soon, once the initial excitement is over, because I generally dislike other people's children and do not want to sit through two hours of attempting to hear a movie I've been excited about seeing since 2007.  We're also waiting because it'll be less annoying to go once it's less crowded and not sold out.  M was going to take Girl Child to the midnight showing, but they were sold out by last week, and the movie doesn't even come out in theaters until July 15th, so it's probably going to be a little bit before we get to go at all.

This weekend we're planning on having a massive water gun fight.  Can't wait.  We should have gotten water balloons.  I thought of that last night.

I’ve been doing some work on my afghan, making more squares since I haven’t finished making all of them, and I’ve been watching stuff on my computer while I’ve been doing this.  Last night it was Fifteen and Pregnant, which is a Lifetime movie I saw in 1998 that has Kirsten Dunst in it.  Parts of it were as predictably bad as a Lifetime movie gets, and other parts were almost good.  Today, I have been watching Firefly.

Sunshine seems to be doing a lot better, she's much less fearful today.  She chased the laser through the living room last night (we had to get Shadow outside for her to do it at all), and today I caught her trying to chase her tail, so hopefully she'll be back to her old self soon.

Anyway, a napping opportunity has presented itself, so off I go.  Particularly since I'm incredibly dizzy.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

The Longest Week That Ever Was

So we're officially not going to be playing the D&D campaign we've been playing anymore, because W and A haven't been able to consistently show up on time in weeks.  I know they're busy, but ...

I'm just really disappointed.  I was really excited about this campaign and interested in seeing how the story would play out, and I'm upset that I may never get to find out what happens next, especially as I was actually starting to get sort of good at playing.

Anyway.  Today has been kind of a bad day - the car broke, and they're having to have that fixed this weekend in anticipation of J going to work on Tuesday.  He's got Sunday and Monday off, though, for Father's Day and J and S's wedding anniversary.  I'm going to be taking the kids on a long walk/trip to the park, and texting to see if the coast is clear before we return.  Lots of water we will need.  Yes.

I'm still in a lot of pain from the whole "let's risk my life for Sunshine thing" - I damaged the plantar fascia tendon in both feet because of sprinting in untied shoes without arch support.  I didn't do near as much damage as S did to her foot in May, but it's quite enough to be going on with, especially with all the muscle pain and the other tendon pain I'm experiencing from that.  At least I know I can still sprint when I need to, I guess.  Oh, and for extra fun, I've finally started menstruating again after three months.  (I know, squick, sorry.)  I'm worried there's something wrong with me, but it could also be my weight or how stressful the last three years have been, or maybe something got broken when I had the miscarriage in 2009.  I don't know.  I hope it's just being all funky for no reason, though.  That'd be nice.

Sunshine seems to be doing a little better.  She's still being much more timid than usual, and she can't wag her whole butt at all right now (though she wags just the end of her tail a little bit when we pet her right after giving her her meds), but she's been a bit less stiff today, which I'm going to take as a good sign.  Also, I've discovered that since she can't scratch her own itches at all right now, if I scratch her ears, I can make her moan, which is hilarious.  I love those damn dogs so much.  Shadow's just been himself, though I think he's being a bit more gentle with Sunshine now than he was on Thursday - he tried to play with her and flipped her onto her back and she screamed, it was scary.  Anytime someone happens to say "where is it" about anything at all, he comes running, thinking we've got the laser out.

Today was pretty boring, actually, beyond the whole car thing.  It feels like that didn't even happen today because today has been such a long day, even though nothing really happened today at all.  I've been particularly tired all day (espresso didn't even help), and rather moody as well.  I'm sure I'm just a barrel of laughs right now.

W and A were here for a couple of hours without LW because he's actually visiting his mother for once this weekend, and we just hung out because J couldn't even remember what he wanted to do for the dungeon we were about to go into.  I don't know why he didn't write it all down like he did the last one, but whatever floats his boat, I guess.

I'm worried about C.

I haven't been sleeping well at all the last few weeks.  I'm always tired, but I can't seem to fall asleep, and once I manage to get to sleep, I sleep so lightly that everything wakes me up, so I'm barely getting any sleep at all, and that's not helping my mood, so I've been probably a bit unnecessarily cranky lately.

This week feels like it's been about three weeks long.

Friday, June 17, 2011

Sunshine Follow-Up and Other Stuff

So, after the last post, I was left with a lot of uncertainty.  We weren't able to take Sunshine in to see the vet until this morning, and S and Girl Child took her because I had to stay home to watch the Toddler.  When they talked to S, they told her that if Sunshine's tail was actually broken at the base, it could have caused nerve damage that hadn't developed yet that might render her permanently incontinent, at which point we'd have to have her put down if it wasn't possible to repair.

That... was pretty devastating to hear.  S came home with Girl Child from the vet's this morning a lot earlier than I expected her, because she had to leave Sunshine there, and that's when she told me all this.

A lot of the day was spent being really morose, not to mention physically exhausted (I'm pretty sure I bruised a rib with the wire of my bra when I tackled Sunshine yesterday, not to mention all the other pain I'm in from running like that), and I ended up curling up with Shadow on the floor and crying on him for awhile.

The vet called this afternoon, and they said that Sunshine has no cracks or breaks in any of her bones, and couldn't find the source of her bleeding (she may have peed on my leg and had some blood in her urine from the trauma or bitten her tongue, there's no way of knowing, since I had to tackle her twice to catch her) - but she's going to be fine.  We're not going to have to put her down, and she'll even be able to wag the Tail of Doom again in a few weeks once she's all healed up.  She's just very bruised and stiff and achy.

I'm so relieved.  J and S picked her up from the vet this evening after J's doctor's appointment, while I was baby-sitting the kids (that's a long story all by itself).  The vet gave her some narcotics for the pain (and they had to sedate her for x-rays), and she was wagging her tail at the vet's office, too.  Apparently she's very happy when she's on doggie narcotics, S said she was totally chilled out and delighted to see her and J.  They've got her on prescription doggie naproxen (anti-inflammatories that are chewable and meat-flavored), and she's doing a little better, though she seems stressed.  She's sleeping under the high chair right now, which she's been doing a lot since yesterday - trying to hide under things.  Damn dog thinks she's a cat.  Well, she's the biggest damn cat I've ever seen.

 Here's a picture of Sunshine from tonight.

Sunshine is hiding under the high chair, looking a little stressed, and very pretty.

Anyway, J and S were out for several hours, so I was home alone with the kids, which would have been fine, but.  There's always a but.  Why is there always a but?  The Toddler was an angel the whole time, it was wonderful and refreshing.  He did as he was told, he was as obedient as toddlers ever get, he didn't throw any tantrums or grab anything he wasn't supposed to.  Girl Child, however, started off really nice, then threw a tantrum when I told her to turn down the TV so the Toddler could nap and just gave me attitude for the rest of the day.  God.  If it's not one kid, it's the other.  She's had an attitude adjustment since her parents got home, so maybe that was her way of letting off steam about Sunshine or whatever, but I would really like it if she'd, you know, behave.  At least it's been awhile since she's been like that - we've been getting along great the last few weeks, so that's a huge improvement over how she'd been over the last several months.

So that's my day today.  Emotionally and physically exhausting.  I feel so drained, and so relieved.  I've been mostly giving Sunshine her space, due to the stress I imagine she feels about having had to go to the vet and have her butt messed with so much, so I've only pet her a little bit and taken some pictures of her pretty face.

I just wish I could get the mental image of her being hit by that car out of my head.

Thursday, June 16, 2011


Today has been absolutely awful.

We had to get up early this morning because Girl Child had a doctor’s appointment and S wanted to get the Toddler’s infected cuticle looked at (he bites his nails and got one of his cuticles), so I got up to help out with keeping him contained.  That wasn’t all that bad, we had the usual rush and panic trying to leave because it always takes way longer to get ready and go than we expect it to, but nothing unusual.  Anyway, we got the Toddler in the car and had just gotten in and were waiting for Girl Child to get outside and get in the car when suddenly there was a golden streak running across the yard.

Sunshine escaped.

Sunshine last week.
S and I leaped out of the car as soon as we saw her while Girl Child just stood on the porch, but she ran to the next door neighbor’s front yard and sniffed around and then ran over to us, but before either S or I could catch her, she turned around and started racing to the end of the driveway and along the sidewalk.  S and I realized at the same time that she was going to run into the street (we live on a very busy street), and started screaming for her to come back and chasing her, but she just kept running.  She ran diagonally across the street, and nearly made it when she ran directly in front of a large car that was trying to brake, and she got hit twice.  It was one of the most horrific things I have ever witnessed.  S started screaming, and I screamed Sunshine’s name and started running (with S right behind me).  I didn’t even look to see if there were any cars coming, I just ran, screaming for Sunshine, who had gotten back up and run behind a house down the street.  I was terrified of what I would find, or that she’d run around and back into the street and ran the hardest I’ve ever run in my life.  It was so awful.  S was still coming (she can’t run very fast and she re-injured her foot halfway across the street trying to sprint after Sunshine), and I was trying to catch her when she came running around the house toward me.  I missed the first time and fell, and Sunshine came up to me and I tackled her and grabbed the scruff of her neck.  Just writing about it now makes my hands shake, but they weren’t shaking then.  I held onto her until S reached me and she sat down with her and held onto her as tightly as she could while I ran home to get a leash.

I discovered when I got back to the house that Girl Child did not stay with the Toddler in the car, but left him alone and went to get M out of bed to help instead, but didn’t stop to find out where she was (she was still downstairs with him when I went to get the leash and they didn’t come outside until after I was running across the street) because I was so concerned about Sunshine.  The leash I grabbed was a vet’s leash, so it was really easy to loop around her head (we don’t collar the dogs since we never take them for walks or anything), and I walked her back across the street since I already had her, with S close on my heels.  By this time, I was having a seriously hard time keeping upright because I couldn’t get any air at all.  We left Girl Child and M standing outside and took Sunshine straight inside, where S sat down on the footstool to get a look at Sunshine’s foot, because she was pretty sure it was bleeding.  Once I handed Sunshine off to her, I realized I couldn’t breathe at all and started to panic because I wasn’t getting any air.  S thought I was having a panic attack so didn’t stop to help me because she was trying to stave off a panic attack herself and didn’t realize I was having an actual asthma attack, so I was left alone in the house with the dogs while S was trying to take care of the Toddler, who was devastated about being left in the car alone, and Girl Child and M were outside, too, so once I was able to get some oxygen, I came outside.  I don’t remember much of the next sequence of events, but S had to reschedule the doctor’s appointment for a slightly later one because we were so late by that point.  I got in the car and M closed the door for me because I was so weak and shaky that I couldn’t reach it, and we went to the doctor’s office.

I had blood on my leg from Sunshine’s hurt foot - S thinks she lost a toenail, but she can’t check because Sunshine won’t let her - and I have blood on my shoelace.  I didn't discover the blood until after I tied my shoes in the car - I did all of that with untied shoes, I'm lucky I didn't get myself killed.  S is trying to convince me to just peroxide the blood off, but I just find it incredibly upsetting to know that Sunshine bled.

Anyway, things have calmed down a little bit.  Unfortunately, we just figured out that Sunshine possibly has a broken tail, so we're going to have to take her to the vet by tomorrow to get that looked at and make sure it's not anything worse.  I'm terrified that it'll turn out to be worse than we thought and we'll have to have her put down.  At the moment, she's cowering in the dining room.

Today has been a shitty, shitty day so far.

Monday, June 13, 2011

Nothing to See Here

Sorry sorry sorry.

I meant to post periodically this week, but I am full of fail and keep putting it off or finding something else to do.  I don't really remember what happened in the last week, nothing special.  I have been acquiring a lot of obscure, badly made disaster movies made by people who don't understand science, which S and I have been watching with relish.  Why do the made-for-TV ones always have horrible effects at the beginning?

Nothing of note has been happening lately.  Just the usual boring stuff.  The only excitement lately has been with Girl Child, who went to a water park with her best friend and got a sunburn over most of her body, resulting in sunsickness, so we've all been taking care of her (mostly S and J, but I've been helping her out when necessary).  Poor kid is miserable, I hope she gets better soon.  We even had to end our D&D session early on Saturday night because she fainted, it was scary.  She's doing a lot better now, though.

My sleep schedule has been screwed lately.  However, I figured out how to sleep much more deeply and not be woken up randomly for no reason - Benadryl.  I was having some issues with being allergic to something last night, so I took three, and I ended up sleeping hard until 10:00 this morning.  I actually feel rested for once, unlike yesterday, when I slept for 10 hours and still felt like poop.  I got about eight hours last night (it took forever for me to fall asleep until I took the Benadryl), and I feel like something approaching normal.

I talked to E via texting last night and I may be getting the rest of my stuff back from her dad's storage soonish, depending on what S and J say about it after we rearrange bedrooms.

I sorted some of my files that are on J's computer (because my external broke and I don't have room on this computer) and deleted a lot - almost 2,000 files.  I have more work to do, but things are a bit more organized than they were, even though there's a folder that decided to be broken on there that I can't delete.  I hate that; not being able to do whatever I want with my files drives me nuts.  If I want to delete it, just fucking let me, Windows!  I deleted almost all of the pictures of the ex that I had on there, I'm finally at the point where it's not heartwrenching for me to go through them and delete the ones I don't care about.  I don't want to delete everything, there's no point erasing the memories, but I don't need his baby pictures, for instance.  And things were good in the beginning, before it all fell apart.  Most of the files on there are actually Sims-related - I have about 35,000 individual files in my folder, and most of them pertain to custom content for Sims 2.  I do love custom content, as long as it doesn't break the game.  (Which is why I stopped using Inteenimater - it will sometimes cause fatal errors in the game and force you to uninstall it and thus lose the entire save file and all the work involved.)

S and I were trying to watch Category 6: Day of Destruction (having watched 10.5 and 10.5: Apocalypse over the last few days), but the Toddler is being a butt and stealing stuff from Girl Child's spot in her chair and generally being a normal toddler.  All toddlers are obnoxious.  It's a fact of life.  So no, I'm not mad, he's just being what he is, and it wouldn't be fair to him to be mad at him for that.  Yeah, it's irritating, but he'll outgrow it eventually.  I'll be really happy when he gets out of the grabbing everything stage, though.  And the screaming louder than the TV thing so we can't watch stuff thing.  Heh.  Really, though, I love him and I don't mind much, because it's so cool to watch him grow up and develop and learn and stuff.

Anyway, I don't have anything special to say, nothing interesting is going on, as I've said.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

The Sun is a Mass of Incandescent Gas...

Today has been a pretty good day so far, as days go.  Lots of silliness.

S let me sleep until 9:30, when she startled me awake (doubtfully on purpose) out of a really cool dream that I can only remember flashes of (nothing I can put into words), so we could go out to get breakfast and Starbucks.  Yum!  We got food for M and Girl Child, too, of course.

After we got back from that and had finished eating, we managed to all find clothes that are things we can wear in public, and S, Girl Child, Toddler, and I went to Wal-Mart to pick a few things up.  I got new pillows finally (I meant to get them in March, but I forgot), a new set of earbuds because the ones I’ve been using died, and those were secondhand from J because the ones before those died, and a new tank top that’s really bright.  It’s like a sunset in a shirt with flowers.  I’m just happy to have more tank tops.  I need to own about 20, because if it’s not below 50 degrees outside, I’m hot in a t-shirt.  Whee.  Anyway, S also bought a new pillow for J, and got Girl Child the same set of Sharpies that I have (fortunately we won’t have mix-ups about whose are whose, as mine live in the most awesome bag ever and Girl Child’s live in a little purse), and we got a few other things besides all that.  As we were leaving Wal-Mart, Girl Child and I started singing the only part of the They Might Be Giants song “Why Does The Sun Shine?” that we know very very loudly in the parking lot, while swinging the Toddler through the air.  Poor S.

After Wal-Mart, we went to Half-Price Books, where I talked to the manager about whether they were hiring and my job application I dropped off in March (this is the second time I’ve asked about it), and then S bought some books and got me a VHS copy of Beauty and the Beast.  So once I have a VCR, I’ll be able to watch it the way it was made originally, instead of with that stupid-ass Human Again song.  (I want The Lion King on VHS, too, but we’ve already got it and S doesn’t want a redundant copy floating around.)  I’m hoping I’ll be able to find a way to copy the VHS of Beauty and the Beast into a digital format so it’ll be easier to watch, I’ll have to do some research on that eventually.  After I get a job.  And a good computer.  Whee.

Anyway, Girl Child and I sang the They Might Be Giants song again in the parking lot of Half-Price Books and S was screaming behind us that she was going to kill us all.  I love living here.  It was a lot of fun.  We forgot to get some essentials that we meant to get, though - bread, milk, hot dogs for the Toddler, that kind of thing.  We’ll do it tomorrow, though, it’ll be okay.

Tonight, we’re going to be watching the extended version of Two Towers with M and will probably be up until 3 AM again.  That’ll be fantastic, last time was so fun, even though S fell asleep early on in the movie, she was still a part of it, since we were joking about her falling asleep.  (It was terribly cute, actually, especially when I covered her with a blanket when she was saying she was cold, even though she protested.)

I just had a fun conversation with M.  I think M is the shit.  I don’t think I get on his nerves nearly as much as I did last September, when I first met him for real.  (I met him when J and I were dating in 2009, but it was one time, and all we really said to each other was hi.)  I was in the basement getting some laundry sorted and waiting for M to get out of the shower so his water temperature didn’t fluctuate, and then I just didn’t come up until he was done doing his thing because we got to talking and I was helping him find his glasses, since he’s functionally blind without them.

I’m in such a good mood.  S and I drew on Girl Child’s arms, and they look really cool.  S did the better art and I did a bunch of really colorful doodles.

I’m just sitting here waiting until S and M get back with snacky fun good time food stuff, and then it’ll be time for our movie and fun-ness.  I’m going to get more water (it’s been ridiculously hot here lately, I’m so dehydrated) and chug, and then they’ll be back and it’s going to be a great evening.

Once again, I love being here and being a part of this life.  I love everyone.  I think I’ll go confuse Girl Child with some love now.  Hahaha.

Monday, June 6, 2011

My Life is an Oddity

I've spent most of the morning reading various news articles and looking up disaster movies and TV shows I find interesting.  I can't find anything that would allow me to watch Mega Disasters (the primary one I'm interested in watching, of course), but hopefully I'll find something soon.

I love watching hypothetical/fictional disasters in movies and on TV shows.  I like the hysteria, the little CGI cities being ripped to shreds, the explosions.  I am a serious dork.  I love 2012Twister was my favorite movie when I was little, and also Night of the Twisters, which is so bad it's good.  I liked Dante's Peak and I haven't seen Volcano yet, but it's on the list.  I want to be in possession of every disaster movie that was any good.  I don't mind cheesy special effects, the more destruction the better!  Like The Core, or epic earthquake movies, documentaries about what might happen if a super tornado hit, or if Mount Rainer erupted cataclysmically, or if a really big hurricane hit New York City.

God, I love a good, cheesy disaster movie.

The Toddler is currently down for a nap - I'm not sure how long he'll sleep, since S had to move his bedtime to 9:00 so he'd stop waking up at 1 AM and stay awake all night.  S decided that she needed one, too, and after she gets up, we're going to the library so I can drop off those books that I deem useless and pick up my new holds (whee!), and then I think we have an errand or three, but I'm not sure.  Pretty stoked about the books, though, I believe one of them is crochet amigurumi of things like zombies and monsters, and I'm all for having patterns for those kinds of things.  Poor Toddler, by the time he's five, he's going to have a bedroom filled entirely with zombies, Cthulhu stuffies, monsters, and other strange oddities.

My life is an oddity.

The Girl Child has rearisen - I was previously the only person awake.  Because of the various sleeping schedules of the inhabitants of this house, it almost never transpires that we are all awake or all asleep at the same time.  I in fact remember very few occasions where we have all been asleep at the same time - there was one day when everyone who doesn't work nights was napping at the same time that J and M were sleeping, including the dogs, but I can think of no other occasions when this has occurred.  This morning, we were actually all awake at once, which is a much more common occurrence when J stays up late, unless I happen to stay asleep when the Toddler wakes up.  There's a lot of activity in the mornings, usually, with everyone running around and talking all at once and dogs and baby and Girl Child cavorting about, and J and M shouting stories at each other over the din.  I love being here.

Anyway, now it's just me and Girl Child, and hopefully soon S and the Toddler will be up.  The Toddler's been asleep for about two hours now, so I can't imagine he'll sleep for much longer, unless he takes another epic 3-hour nap.  So, now it is time to go to the kitchen and gorge myself on something random because I keep forgetting about the existence of real food.  Mmm, real food.  I like food.  I think I'll go searching for some.

Ringtones and Other Drivel

So I didn’t post yesterday because it’s really irritating to type on this computer (that’s part of why I haven’t been posting as often), but I really did mean to!  Baby-sitting was excellent, TD was the most placid baby ever.  He didn’t cry when AD and MD said goodbye and left, he was totally cool about having his diaper changed, he was totally cool with laying down for a nap, he let me feed him without making a mess at all, he was perfectly content to sit in my lap and watch a documentary with me, and he was just generally the easiest baby to take care of ever.  The most difficult part of taking care of him was washing out his bottle, because it’s a Dr. Brown’s bottle, but even that was easy, as I’ve dealt with those before.  Also, it turns out that they only live about a mile away from me, so it’ll be really easy to baby-sit him in the future.

Seriously, that was the most awesome baby-sitting job I’ve ever had.

We ended up not being able to have game on Saturday night, because J never went to bed on Saturday as there was so much to do.  He mowed the lawn after S and the Toddler woke up, and then he just stayed up.  While I was baby-sitting, the entire clan was over at J's parents' house hanging out, and Girl Child picked out a cell phone she likes because she's being put on the plan this summer.  By the time I got home, J was having what was supposed to be a nap in the giant chair in the living room, but he wouldn't wake up.  We didn't get him conscious until after 9:00, and we were supposed to go to W and A's apartment for game this time, but by the time we got J up, the Toddler had had to go to bed because we just couldn't keep him up anymore, he was simply too tired.  So W and A came over to hang out (and LW too, of course), and we had some fun chatting with them.  W discovered this blog and realized I am not nearly as stupid as I come across.  (S says that I only seem stupid because I am perpetually happy in my demeanor and since I am also rather spastic and tend to forget words and replace them with 'thingy', people tend to think I am not nearly as smart as I am.)  Apparently I actually make sense when I write.

Yesterday was mostly spent listening to music with Girl Child and turning some songs into ringtones and making a bunch of wallpapers for my phone, too.  Here’s a list of (all) the songs I have turned into ringtones:

Psychostick - Do You Want a Taco? (custom ringtone for S when she calls me)
Jimmy Buffett - Cheeseburger in Paradise (currently the custom ringtone for J, but I may change it)
Cowboy Troy - I Play Chicken With a Train (Simlish) (because I find it hilarious)
Jonathan Coulton - Code Monkey (because it’s one of my favorite songs with vocals)
Jonathan Coulton - Chiron Beta Prime (this will be my main ringtone around Christmastime)
Jolly Rogers - All For Me Grog (I may change J’s ringtone to this)
Hakuna Matata (Girl Child’s custom ringtone)
Adele - Rolling in the Deep (I don’t actually like this, but it’s H’s custom ringtone because she likes it)
They Might Be Giants - Why Does The Sun Shine? (another one that I have because it’s really awesome)
Hedwig’s Theme from the first Harry Potter movie (because I’m a nerd)
Canon Rock, arranged by GTRMAN (ringtone for the house phone)
Backstreet Boys - As Long As You Love Me (ringtone for E)
Final Fantasy X Victory Fanfare (my text message tone)

And that’s all I have so far, though I think I might make Still Alive a ringtone as well, just because I may as well round out the dorkyness.  I also made Re: Your Brains into a ringtone, but I had to lower the bitrate so much to make my phone like it that it ended up sounding like poop, so I deleted it off my phone and will have to try again later.

Last night, I told M that I really wanted my favorite song by him as a ringtone, but wasn’t sure what part I would use because I love the whole thing so much (I love it so much it sometimes nearly makes me cry), and he asked me to play the part of it that I loved the most, and about ten minutes later, he sent me a file transfer on MSN.  With the most beautiful part of the song turned into a ringtone.  He even gave it a fade-out at the end.  He is so awesome.  He made me want to cry.

Today we have a few errands to run, mostly along the lines of groceries and a library trip.  I haven’t done any work on my afghan since Sunday morning, so I’m hoping I’ll be able to get some done today, though with as tired as I’m feeling right now, I’m rather doubtful that that will happen.

I exercised some of my creativity last night and created a rather strange picture with my Sharpies (I have a very large set of Sharpies) on some of the drawing paper Mom got me for my birthday.  S said it reminds her of the ocean.  I’ll try to scan it later so I can put it on DeviantArt and I’ll post a little copy here (or a link to my DA page), and if that doesn’t work, I’ll just take a picture of it.

My earbuds are officially broken - they have to be held at a certain angle for the left one to make any noise at all, so at the moment, my ashtray is holding the cord in place where it’s plugged into my computer so I can hear my music without wanting to scream.

I checked out a buttload of crocheting books from the library awhile ago, and almost all of them are rubbish, of course.  I’ll be taking them back today, once S is awake enough that she’s willing to go.  I’ve got more waiting to be picked up, oh boy!  I’ve managed to renew the books I have out for S a second time, so I don’t have to worry about fines on them, and hopefully I’ll be able to renew them a few more times since she’s still on the first one.

I think I must be being particularly annoying lately or something, because it feels like everyone is being really cranky and impatient with me.  Perhaps I should be less talkative or something, I don’t know.

The laundry still isn’t folded.  I don’t want to do it because I want to get the rest of the dirty clothes washed, but I think I’m going to do that today or tomorrow.  I’m sick of the clean clothes being knocked onto the floor anytime anyone but me or S goes through them, and I’d really like to know what clothes we actually have clean at the moment, because we are all convinced that none of us have anything clean, but we must, because there’s about 10 loads sitting in the living room that say otherwise.  Ha.

The Toddler has completely covered his face in a thin layer of applesauce.  I’m very amused.

I just discovered another song of M’s that makes me want to cry.

I don’t have anything else to say, really.  I hope today turns out to be a good day, though.

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Afghans, Baby-Sitting, and Friends

I really need to get better about posting regularly again.  Most of my time lately has been spent working on my afghan.  I’ll post a picture at the end, after I take one and get J to help me get it onto my computer.  (My computer won’t recognize my camera, but if I plug it into his USB hub, I can transfer pictures from my camera to my computer via the home network.  I’m not even kidding, that’s how I have to do it.)  Though he’s just gone outside to mow the lawn, so I’ll just do it myself, haha.

I ended up staying up all night, until after 11:00 on Thursday morning, due to some sleeping complications.  I managed to get about 3 hours of sleep before I was awoken, and then I went out with E.

Hanging out with E was fantastic.  We had a blast.  We went to Waxy O’Shea’s, talked about her marriage (she finally called a lawyer and is starting the divorce proceedings soon), then came back home and played around in the driveway for awhile.  I got a hilarious video of her freaking out over mosquitoes, and we took a bunch of pictures.  We also ran around with her crazy little dog for awhile.  He’s so tiny.  I’m so used to Shadow and Sunshine that Buddy seems abnormally small and delicate; I’m afraid to pet him like I would normally pet a dog, and end up treating him more like a cat.

Nothing special happened on Friday, except that I got a text message from someone I’m friends with on Facebook asking if I’d baby-sit her adorable baby for a few hours today, so I’ll be going off to do that for four hours and then going to game and W and A’s apartment.  I’m going to have to completely repack a purse with everything I’ll need for game just in case I wind up going straight from baby-sitting to game.  I’m pretty stoked about baby-sitting, though, this particular baby is 11 months old, and it’s been forever since I played with anyone under 1 year.  I’m looking forward to placid baby-ness and a lack of toddler-style behavior.  As much as I love the Toddler, he does make me want to tear my hair out sometimes.

Speaking of the Toddler, he stayed up almost all night because he does not like it when the bedroom door lets light in, so he woke up at about 1:30 when S tried to go to bed, and stayed up until about 6:30, when J managed to get him back to bed, and then he woke up at almost 10:00.  Woo-hoo for broken sleep!

We’ve got D&D tonight, as previously stated, and we’re going to try to do it at W and A’s apartment, which should be interesting, since I’m not entirely sure the Toddler will cooperate and sleep.  Should be interesting to try, though.

Anyway, here’s a picture of what I have completed of the afghan so far:

These are the top two rows of squares.  I have five more rows to go, then a border to get it even all the way around, and then an edging to make it pretty!

And that, as they say, is that.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Another Good Day

Today, I spent a good six hours working on a crochet block for the pillow cover things I'm making for the throw pillows that will match my afghan, only to discover that the pattern is completely fucked and that I can't use it.  After I was almost done.  Because that's when I discovered that the pattern was fucked no matter what I do.  So I gave it to the Toddler.

S and I are going to start baby-sitting LW a couple days a week soon, so that should be interesting.  We're baby-sitting him tomorrow for a bit while A has a job interview.  I hope she gets it, I think she misses working.

Tomorrow, I will hopefully work on the laundry while S folds what is already clean.  So. Much. Laundry.  I'm not sure when we're going to get that done, but hopefully it'll happen.

Today was a really good day, though.  S, M, Girl Child, and I watched the extended version of the first Lord of the Rings movie, and didn't finish until about 15 minutes ago.  Girl Child hadn't seen it all the way through yet, and it made her cry.  D'aww. 

W and A came to visit around 7:00 this evening and hung out for a little bit, which was nice.  Then the Toddler went to bed and S and M went out for dinner while Girl Child and I hung out and played music while I did some work partially constructing the afghan.

Most of the day was just regular stuff, same as always.

I'd write more, but I'm so tired my brain is no longer functioning.  I forgot to eat any actual food all day, though, which was kind of stupid of me.

I would go lay down now, but the Toddler is having one of his periods of wakefulness.

I have fantastic ideas for stories to write, but none of them come to me in words, just flashes of images.  They're all horror.  I think I read too much Stephen King while I was in high school.  It's permanently addled my brain.

I'm going to need to go to sleep soon if I want to resemble anything close to alive tomorrow.