Today, I found a link to a blog about finding fashionable, pretty clothing for the fuller-figured girl with very large breasts, and some of the things she wrote really struck a chord with me, so it's essay time.
I wear a size 20. Sometimes I'm an 18, or a 22, or a 24, depending on where I'm shopping, but for the most part, I am a size 20. However, if I follow the sizing chart at Lane Bryant (which is where I bought the only pair of jeans I have that fit), I wear a size 26. Funnily enough, it even has the measurements that would be accurate to my size listed as what a size 26 dress would be, but if I tried on a size 26, I would be swimming in it. Except for my boobs, probably.
Most dresses I've tried on have only fit at the chest, because I have to size up for my breasts. I am already not a thin woman. I struggle to find clothing that actually flatters my body and makes me feel good without being painful to wear or uncomfortable. It is incredibly frustrating to have to buy tents for my body because they do not make dresses for my shape. Large breasts aren't even close to being accomodated by the fashion industry, at least not if they are paired with proportionately large waists. I am never going to have a 30 inch waist again, especially not with my chest, which ranges from a 42G to a 36HH, depending on the cut and style of the bra, and the individual manufacturer. I am not going to be a size 10 ever again. I think I'll be lucky if I manage a size 12 or 14, which is my goal for when I eventually lose weight.
Even though I want to lose weight, I am still a size 20 right now, with very large boobs. I believe I deserve to feel pretty, I deserve to look nice when I want to look nice, and I am sick and tired to death of wearing nothing but enormous t-shirts because none of my clothes fit and I can't find anything in the womens' department that does. Pepperberry, Bravissimo's clothing line, doesn't even go up to my waist size. In fact, the largest size they carry is a full 10 inches smaller than my waist.
This is incredibly frustrating for me. I feel like I am being told that I do not deserve to look or feel beautiful because I am a larger girl. I am told this everywhere I go. The last guy I went on a date with basically told me that while I was good for a quick fuck, I was not good enough to be a girlfriend because I am too fat. I am tired of this. I am tired of being laughed at, I am tired of being used, and I am tired of my size and weight being a "problem". It is not a problem, or at least it is not my problem. My only real problem with my body is that I can't find anything to fit it and that my weight is causing me some health problems. This is the primary reason I want to lose weight. Not so I can feel beautiful again, not so I can get honked at while walking down the street, but so I can run again, so my tendons stop hurting, so the weight of my chest doesn't cut off my ability to breathe. I didn't even start having health problems related to my weight until I got larger than a size 16.
I want to be able to look in the mirror and think I am beautiful without worry about whether I am "too fat". I want people to stop telling me there's something wrong with me. I want people to stop telling me that I should get a breast reduction. I want the opportunity to learn to love my body, my whole body. I deserve that. Every woman deserves to love herself for what she is and not what everyone thinks she should be.
(Next post will have a link round up and maybe a little bit of stuff about life, since I haven't posted anything in over a week.)
Showing posts with label i feel pretty. Show all posts
Showing posts with label i feel pretty. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Epic Mall Trip with Clarification
Okay, so now that I'm not all goofy on a single Benadryl, I figured I'd actually write about yesterday in a way that made more sense than yesterday's post. If I can manage to type like a human, I'm failing today.
Anyway, yesterday morning, we went out to go to the mall to pick up the bras. As I said yesterday, mine didn't fit, which was pretty disappointing. I wound up exchanging it for one that fit really well that they had in stock in the store, because they didn't have the color I wanted in the size I needed at all, not even online. And it really was the most excellent shade of magenta. Of course, it wound up taking almost an hour to get all of that sorted out, because we had to first find the right size, and then I ended up with the same saleslady who sold me the jeans I bought there not too long ago, and she was awful. I started with the awesome manager, but was unfortunate enough to end up with the saleslady again. She was inappropriate and pushy and just like last time, insisted that I sign up for a Lane Bryant card, to "save" money. Thing is, she bugged me about it so much last time that I gave in and let her sign me up, and was still declined, and she still sold my jeans for the wrong price. Anyway, this time she decided to do the return separately from purchasing the correct size, I assume so she could get the commission, but she fucked me over by doing that, because when she returned it, it went back to my card, but that wasn't going to post right away because, you know, bank, and I didn't have any money left. So at first, it looked like I wasn't going to leave with a bra, and I was just getting angrier and angrier with her because she was a flaming idiot, and then the manager came over and fixed it by voiding the return so it never happened, and then processing it as an even exchange instead. The saleslady was also rude when she thought I was ordering it from online to be delivered to my house (when we were checking to see if they had it in the color I wanted online), but when we discovered they had the same color options online as in the store, I wound up with one from the store, and she was nicer after that. So the dumb bitch was just after a commission, but apparently doesn't understand that if you want repeat customers, you can't only care about the commission. Also, she was snarky again when the manager fixed it so it was an even exchange. Not the best shopping experience in the world. She should really learn that giving the best customer service experience possible is much more important than getting her commission.
Anyway, I got home, took photos (including a photo for ThinkGeek of my Firefly shirt), and decided I missed eating bananas. So I made a peanut butter and banana sandwich with a hilarious amount of peanut butter after taking a single Benadryl about 20 minutes before I started eating. Even with the Benadryl in my system, my tongue still swelled a little, and the roof of my mouth was a bit itchy, but it was nothing compared to how it would have been had I not taken the Benadryl. This also resulted in yesterday's rather special blog post.
Also, as briefly mentioned yesterday, I looked really good. I even took pictures. I even changed my Facebook and Google+ profile pictures to pictures of my face for the first time in months. (Well, first time ever for Google+.) Also, the hat I made for myself last summer now looks really good on me because my hair has grown enough that it no longer looks silly.
Woo! Well, anyway, the Benadryl made me very sleepy, which was kind of bad, since I was supposed to be watching the Toddler for S for a little while, but she got Girl Child to help me. Well, until Girl Child got distracted and went to her room, at which point I held the Toddler on my lap on the big chair by the TV so he could watch Sprout and I could sort of sleep - I'd wake up every time he moved, so it worked pretty well. Then S came back and I was able to sort of just sit and feel tired.
So that was yesterday. Today has been pretty uneventful, but I haven't been awake all that long, and the most exciting thing that's happened is that a door to door salesman showed up and made the dogs bark. There are links, though, because I'm tired of having a million tabs open on Firefox.
Links Round-Up
Someone had an idea of how to help fix the economy, except that we all know that no bank would ever do this, because they care much more about profits than about fixing things.
The nurse that did this was a moron, and I hope like hell that none of the patients affected by this caught anything from her doing this. Oh my god.
A woman who used to be a fashion merchandiser and is now a sociologist is committing to a year without mirrors, due to her fear that she will start having problems with her body image again. It's kind of interesting.
Michele Bachmann is making more gaffes than I think Sarah Palin did. This is one of the more idiotic things I've ever heard. Especially since no one's god should have a place in government.
How the ink industry really works. (Comic)
How Internet Explorer 10 should actually work, thus making it the best browser ever. (Image)
Anyway, yesterday morning, we went out to go to the mall to pick up the bras. As I said yesterday, mine didn't fit, which was pretty disappointing. I wound up exchanging it for one that fit really well that they had in stock in the store, because they didn't have the color I wanted in the size I needed at all, not even online. And it really was the most excellent shade of magenta. Of course, it wound up taking almost an hour to get all of that sorted out, because we had to first find the right size, and then I ended up with the same saleslady who sold me the jeans I bought there not too long ago, and she was awful. I started with the awesome manager, but was unfortunate enough to end up with the saleslady again. She was inappropriate and pushy and just like last time, insisted that I sign up for a Lane Bryant card, to "save" money. Thing is, she bugged me about it so much last time that I gave in and let her sign me up, and was still declined, and she still sold my jeans for the wrong price. Anyway, this time she decided to do the return separately from purchasing the correct size, I assume so she could get the commission, but she fucked me over by doing that, because when she returned it, it went back to my card, but that wasn't going to post right away because, you know, bank, and I didn't have any money left. So at first, it looked like I wasn't going to leave with a bra, and I was just getting angrier and angrier with her because she was a flaming idiot, and then the manager came over and fixed it by voiding the return so it never happened, and then processing it as an even exchange instead. The saleslady was also rude when she thought I was ordering it from online to be delivered to my house (when we were checking to see if they had it in the color I wanted online), but when we discovered they had the same color options online as in the store, I wound up with one from the store, and she was nicer after that. So the dumb bitch was just after a commission, but apparently doesn't understand that if you want repeat customers, you can't only care about the commission. Also, she was snarky again when the manager fixed it so it was an even exchange. Not the best shopping experience in the world. She should really learn that giving the best customer service experience possible is much more important than getting her commission.
Anyway, I got home, took photos (including a photo for ThinkGeek of my Firefly shirt), and decided I missed eating bananas. So I made a peanut butter and banana sandwich with a hilarious amount of peanut butter after taking a single Benadryl about 20 minutes before I started eating. Even with the Benadryl in my system, my tongue still swelled a little, and the roof of my mouth was a bit itchy, but it was nothing compared to how it would have been had I not taken the Benadryl. This also resulted in yesterday's rather special blog post.
Also, as briefly mentioned yesterday, I looked really good. I even took pictures. I even changed my Facebook and Google+ profile pictures to pictures of my face for the first time in months. (Well, first time ever for Google+.) Also, the hat I made for myself last summer now looks really good on me because my hair has grown enough that it no longer looks silly.
Woo! Well, anyway, the Benadryl made me very sleepy, which was kind of bad, since I was supposed to be watching the Toddler for S for a little while, but she got Girl Child to help me. Well, until Girl Child got distracted and went to her room, at which point I held the Toddler on my lap on the big chair by the TV so he could watch Sprout and I could sort of sleep - I'd wake up every time he moved, so it worked pretty well. Then S came back and I was able to sort of just sit and feel tired.
So that was yesterday. Today has been pretty uneventful, but I haven't been awake all that long, and the most exciting thing that's happened is that a door to door salesman showed up and made the dogs bark. There are links, though, because I'm tired of having a million tabs open on Firefox.
Links Round-Up
Someone had an idea of how to help fix the economy, except that we all know that no bank would ever do this, because they care much more about profits than about fixing things.
The nurse that did this was a moron, and I hope like hell that none of the patients affected by this caught anything from her doing this. Oh my god.
A woman who used to be a fashion merchandiser and is now a sociologist is committing to a year without mirrors, due to her fear that she will start having problems with her body image again. It's kind of interesting.
Michele Bachmann is making more gaffes than I think Sarah Palin did. This is one of the more idiotic things I've ever heard. Especially since no one's god should have a place in government.
How the ink industry really works. (Comic)
How Internet Explorer 10 should actually work, thus making it the best browser ever. (Image)
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
To Me, Benadryl IS The Good Stuff
Okay, so there are things you should probably not do if you want to function for the rest of the day. Taking a Benadryl because you miss eating bananas is one of these things.
I can barely write this post, which is rather unfortunate, as I have a bunch of links. But I'm all slurry and stuff and can't really talk at all. Or write or something. Whatever I'm trying to say. Maybe you understand. I'm not sure I do.
I picked up the bras I bought. The one for me didn't fit at all, and they didn't have it in stock online or in the store in the color I wanted in the size that fits, so I had to get a different color, which I was sad about, because it was the most awesome shade of magenta ever. This is very boo. But yay, because it fits and looks terrific on me.
I had a pretty day today. There are pictures, but I can't show them to anyone because my USB ports don't work properly. Bad Frankenstein, no biscuit. I almost wrote business. That was hard. I don't normally have problems remembering how to spell words, but I can't today. Because Benadryl IS the good stuff to me.
So this is going to have to be a really short post. Because I'm not sure I can sustain this amount of typing for much longer, and I'm pretty sure none of this makes sense. Maybe it does. I don't know. The mall was ridiculous today. The Toddler was scared of the Disney store. Uh. Stuff happened. S and I are quitting smoking as of tonight. After we go to bed, there will be no more smokey treats. J will be smoking outside until he quits. If he does. I hope he does. But yeah. I'm tired of how they make me feel sometimes and stuff.
Anyway. Wow, I'm just getting more disjointed. So. I will write in normal words tomorrow when I am not on drugs. I didn't think Benadryl counted as a drug, but what do I know? Also, the shift key is a poor substitute for a space bar. Yeah. Okay. Done.
I can barely write this post, which is rather unfortunate, as I have a bunch of links. But I'm all slurry and stuff and can't really talk at all. Or write or something. Whatever I'm trying to say. Maybe you understand. I'm not sure I do.
I picked up the bras I bought. The one for me didn't fit at all, and they didn't have it in stock online or in the store in the color I wanted in the size that fits, so I had to get a different color, which I was sad about, because it was the most awesome shade of magenta ever. This is very boo. But yay, because it fits and looks terrific on me.
I had a pretty day today. There are pictures, but I can't show them to anyone because my USB ports don't work properly. Bad Frankenstein, no biscuit. I almost wrote business. That was hard. I don't normally have problems remembering how to spell words, but I can't today. Because Benadryl IS the good stuff to me.
So this is going to have to be a really short post. Because I'm not sure I can sustain this amount of typing for much longer, and I'm pretty sure none of this makes sense. Maybe it does. I don't know. The mall was ridiculous today. The Toddler was scared of the Disney store. Uh. Stuff happened. S and I are quitting smoking as of tonight. After we go to bed, there will be no more smokey treats. J will be smoking outside until he quits. If he does. I hope he does. But yeah. I'm tired of how they make me feel sometimes and stuff.
Anyway. Wow, I'm just getting more disjointed. So. I will write in normal words tomorrow when I am not on drugs. I didn't think Benadryl counted as a drug, but what do I know? Also, the shift key is a poor substitute for a space bar. Yeah. Okay. Done.
Friday, May 6, 2011
Organization, Dead Birds, and Errands
I really like organizing things. I just spent about half an hour rearranging everything in the refrigerator, throwing away bad food (that cheese was an interesting color!), and getting all the groceries we bought at the store today put away in some semblance of order. And I enjoyed doing it. Well, except for the scary meat. It was purple. I'm going to finish organizing the whole kitchen later, figure out what to do about the entire loaf of bread that J crushed with the bag of apples, and get all the dishes and stuff fixed up in the cupboards so they all fit, since Girl Child apparently doesn't care about how things are supposed to go in the cupboards. Arrgh. That kind of thing drives me crazy, because I'm very much a person who likes everything to have its place.
I discovered how to get myself into a position where I have the energy to do more than chase the Toddler and screw around online. Espresso. I love Starbucks with every fibre of my being. I may actually get some stuff done today, if my motivation stays up. Woo! I'm in a terrific mood. I got something close to enough sleep, had espresso, and now I'm full of energy and good vibes and all sorts of happy things. I love how enormous quantities of caffeine fill me with goodwill. Yay!
I'm having a good hair day for once today. I feel like I actually look good for once, and it's really nice. My hair decided to do this really cool flippy thing all on its own; all I did was brush it this morning. I'm wearing my green dangly earrings and a choker I've had since I was 15 that I got from the Rainforest Cafe that used to be at Oak Park Mall a few years ago. I can't remember what's there now; everything has changed. Anyway, sorry, I'm the tangent queen. So I feel really pretty today, which has been rare the last few months, and it feels really good.
Today we went on a few errands, which was an interesting adventure. When we first were getting ready to leave the house, I discovered the remains of the cute baby robin that couldn't fly that we saw yesterday (when it was still alive). The neighbors' cat apparently killed it, disemboweled it, removed its legs and head, and left the body and one leg on our front walk, directly in front of the car. Yuck. Poor little bird. And damn cat. I don't like cats very much.
S and I discovered that Price Chopper actually has those carts for people who have trouble walking, so S didn't end up having to gimp through the whole store, which was good, because we were there for quite awhile. The Toddler rode in the cart I pushed so we wouldn't have to spend twice as long trying to get him to go where we wanted to go, which turned out to be a good thing anyway, because it gave us a place to keep the crutches and the heavy food.
We also stopped at the SRS office so I could hand in the letter saying that I do in fact live here so I can continue receiving food stamps. I made the lady in front of me at the drop box really uncomfortable because I'd had so much espresso by that point that I was no longer able to stand still, so I was happily dancing from foot to foot while she was finishing up her paperwork. She glanced back at me and I said, "You're fine, I just can't stand still!" I'm pretty sure that gave her a giggle.
I'm having a really happy day. And now the Toddler is in his crib and has stopped screaming like a banshee, so I assume he's asleep, which means I can do a few loads of laundry in relative peace, and work on the kitchen between loads, and maybe even read one of the bazillion books I have checked out of the library.
All in all, today is being a great day so far, even with the dead bird.
I discovered how to get myself into a position where I have the energy to do more than chase the Toddler and screw around online. Espresso. I love Starbucks with every fibre of my being. I may actually get some stuff done today, if my motivation stays up. Woo! I'm in a terrific mood. I got something close to enough sleep, had espresso, and now I'm full of energy and good vibes and all sorts of happy things. I love how enormous quantities of caffeine fill me with goodwill. Yay!
I'm having a good hair day for once today. I feel like I actually look good for once, and it's really nice. My hair decided to do this really cool flippy thing all on its own; all I did was brush it this morning. I'm wearing my green dangly earrings and a choker I've had since I was 15 that I got from the Rainforest Cafe that used to be at Oak Park Mall a few years ago. I can't remember what's there now; everything has changed. Anyway, sorry, I'm the tangent queen. So I feel really pretty today, which has been rare the last few months, and it feels really good.
Today we went on a few errands, which was an interesting adventure. When we first were getting ready to leave the house, I discovered the remains of the cute baby robin that couldn't fly that we saw yesterday (when it was still alive). The neighbors' cat apparently killed it, disemboweled it, removed its legs and head, and left the body and one leg on our front walk, directly in front of the car. Yuck. Poor little bird. And damn cat. I don't like cats very much.
S and I discovered that Price Chopper actually has those carts for people who have trouble walking, so S didn't end up having to gimp through the whole store, which was good, because we were there for quite awhile. The Toddler rode in the cart I pushed so we wouldn't have to spend twice as long trying to get him to go where we wanted to go, which turned out to be a good thing anyway, because it gave us a place to keep the crutches and the heavy food.
We also stopped at the SRS office so I could hand in the letter saying that I do in fact live here so I can continue receiving food stamps. I made the lady in front of me at the drop box really uncomfortable because I'd had so much espresso by that point that I was no longer able to stand still, so I was happily dancing from foot to foot while she was finishing up her paperwork. She glanced back at me and I said, "You're fine, I just can't stand still!" I'm pretty sure that gave her a giggle.
I'm having a really happy day. And now the Toddler is in his crib and has stopped screaming like a banshee, so I assume he's asleep, which means I can do a few loads of laundry in relative peace, and work on the kitchen between loads, and maybe even read one of the bazillion books I have checked out of the library.
All in all, today is being a great day so far, even with the dead bird.
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