Adventures in Packing

Moving is hard.

You start off with the best intentions. "Everything is going to be packed properly! The kitchen stuff will all be together, the bathroom stuff, the bedroom stuff, the clothes, and the books will all be packed separately from each other," you say. Then you try to pack. First, you have a tote (or box, but in my case it's a tote) with all "memory box" type stuff. Then you have another tote with only books. But there's a little bit of extra room in the top and you don't want your books sliding around all over the place.

So you put a random dish towel on top to shore things up a little.

It all goes downhill from there. You start putting dinosaur tater tot toys in water pitchers and filling pasta pots with cosmetics, putting art supplies in the tote with the hangers, a single hanger in the tote with all the towels and breakable kitchen stuff. The purses and shoes are together, but they have a blanket in with them. At first, it still makes sense. Most everything is still organized. Then you start finding things around the house that you meant to pack but forgot about in your frenzy, and by the time you get to the last tote, this is what you have left to pack:

• A wedding planning binder (from 2 years ago that your best friend gave you after her wedding so you could plan yours that never materialized)
• A giant CD book
• A snake pen
• A wall night light
• A Christmas garland
• A plastic brandy glass the size of your head
• A pretty basket you keep bathroom stuff in
• Two hot pink file trays
• An accordian file
• Two photo albums
• A yearbook
• A catalog
• A half-done painting
• Various other artwork on paper
• A metal recipe box
• An enormous bathrobe
• A throw pillow inside piece for a pillow you never made

And of course, it doesn't all fit. You stuff things inside of each other, rearrange, take stuff out and put it back. You seriously consider attempting to concuss yourself with the brandy glass. Your back hurts and you just want this to be over with already. Finally, you give up, ditch the CD book, the pen, the metal box, the bathrobe, a photo album, and the wedding planning book, shove the garland in the brandy glass, and suddenly the tote closes. Then you dump all the extra into a laundry basket and put it on top of the giant stack of totes so you don't have to look at it anymore and run away.

This is why moving is hard.

Oh, Look! It's The Bottom!

As previously demonstrated, I suck at an actual posting schedule.  Or even posting anything semi-regularly.

Everything is changing.  S and J asked me to leave, so I'm trying to figure out where I'm going to live.  I have until February 1st, which is when I have to move out.  So far, I have no idea.  I don't know where I'm going to end up.  I have a couple of friends who are willing to keep me from ending up on the streets, but no real hope of finding something on my own.

I'm currently working on fixing my resume so it doesn't suck because I'm trying to apply for a job that requires a resume and a cover letter.  The cover letter is done, but I'm getting stuck on the resume.

I was going to look into going to school for a pharmacy technician certificate, but FAFSA doesn't pay for non-credit classes, so I am rethinking what I want to do and if I can do this.  I'm thinking about getting an associate's in business administration so I can try to find something I can do for a living while I look into going to college for real, or maybe the business admin degree will be enough.  I don't know.

Since I never unpacked all of my stuff when I moved in here, I don't have a ton of stuff to pack - most of what I'm waiting to pack right now is towels that are in Girl Child's room that S has promised to locate (I think she's doing that in a few minutes, actually), and what little kitchen stuff I came with.  I think.  I keep remembering stuff that I forgot I owned.  Like my purple ice cube trays.  I have no idea what happened to those.

I found out recently that my job with a certain clothing store was a seasonal position.  So I no longer have that job or the income.  I get my last check tomorrow, and I'll be checking then to see what is going on with this situation.

So, to summarize, I am pretty sure I have no job, and in 3 weeks, I will no longer be living here.  I don't know where I'll be.  Yep, looks like that bottom is rushing up to meet me.

So.  I've put a donation button for my PayPal account on this blog.  Totally optional.  I don't require anybody to actually give me money unless they want to.  But it's there.  Because I am at that point.  I hate that it's come to this.

In fact, I hate basically everything right now.

Brief Explanation

Depression is a funny thing.  It can lurk in the shadows, unnoticed, for months, occasionally springing out to throw you into a despair so deep that you suddenly lose all ability to function.  It can just drop you into a pit of apathy.  ...Or maybe it makes you stop caring about that blog you were so excited about starting, or ever actually baking those cookies, or doing anything more than grumpily sitting in a corner.

Depression is weird.  I don't feel depressed... most of the time.  In fact, most of the time I feel pretty okay.  Maybe it's how lonely I am, because I feel like I have an impenetrable invisible wall surrounding me, and I feel overwhelmingly alone even when I'm surrounded by people.  Sometimes.  Other times, all I want is to be alone for awhile.

What I'd really like to know is why I only feel this way sometimes.  Today is just particularly bad, but I have days where I'm fine (or at least apathetic, which I guess I better than feeling mildly suicidal), so I'm really confused.  I always thought of depression as something that never changed, that you sunk into and didn't come out of, or bob to the top occasionally to get a look around before sinking again.  It's very frustrating.  I'll feel better one day, and then a couple days later, I don't want to do anything except sit here.  I can't do anything.

So... basically this is my explanation for why I haven't been posting.  Because I just don't give a shit about anything right now, and I can't find the energy to write and be entertaining.  Besides, it's not like I ever write about anything remotely interesting.

Anyway, if SOPA is passed tonight, there won't be a point in maintaining a blog anyway.

Blargh

Life has been happening.

I quit the job at the survey place in favor of working for an actual corporation within my comfort level.  So I'm finally back in retail.  I've had two hours of training in the fitting room, three hours of training on the register, and my next time working is on black Friday.  Hopefully as a cashier, since I'm not trained on the floor and I would rather die than be in the fitting room.

I can't remember if anything else has happened lately.  Lots of things have happened, I suppose.  I don't really know where to start.  I never really know where to start.

I think some good things will be happening soon, though.  So, yay.  Also, I only have two more Christmas presents left to buy, one for M and one for my mother.  Everything else is done.  I'm so excited.  I still don't know if I'm going to do Yule or Christmas this year, but we'll figure something out.  I'll honestly probably have to work on Yule, and the store is closed on Christmas, so there's a pretty good chance that we'll have to do Christmas with me regardless.  Maybe.  I don't know.

My fingernails are finally growing back.  I'm still sort of trying to quit smoking.  I really should just quit.  Seriously.  I don't want to end up on oxygen when I'm older.

If I ever stop always being tired, I'll start posting more regularly.

Ballszilla!

I went to work two hours late (sanctioned) because I didn't get hardly any sleep last night, and today still managed to be tedious and long.  Woo!  I stood out there for an hour and a half this evening before I went home and absolutely no one would take a survey.  And the ones that agreed didn't qualify for a survey.  Goody!

While I was at work today, S had an equally long day rearranging the entire living room by herself.  Crazy woman.  It's pretty great, actually.  I'm now on the other end of the couch and in the corner by the windows, and I really dig it.  It feels sort of fort-ish.  Ha. Anyway, she did an incredible amount of work, and between that and digging out a bunch of clothes that were by the bed in the bedroom, she definitely kicked ass today.  Go S!!  Also, she found my other ballet flat I've been missing for four months that I swore up and down was under the couch.  It was under the couch.  And she found a shirt I've been missing for almost a year, so I'm really excited to get to wear it again.

I'm attempting to catch up on the laundry, since now that I'm working, it's not really getting done and everyone is out of clothes.  Joy.  Sometime in the next few days I am going to have to go through and sort all the laundry so we can have J take it downstairs and we can start getting it all washed again.  It's Mount Laundry in the hallway for now, though.  Oh god.

I'm taking Girl Child trick or treating on Halloween, and I'm all excited because I get to wear my glow in the dark Toy Story shirt and have it actually GLOW.  Yesssss.

While I was sorting the laundry out into what we need immediately tomorrow and what we can wait on for later this weekend, I got confused about some shirts, because S and I trade shirts around a lot.  (We both wear huge shirts when we're just hanging out at home.)  So I was trying to ask S about it, and I said her name, and she said, "Ballszilla!"  Because unlike a normal person, she greets people like this sometimes.  The hilarity was too much for me though, as it made me collapse laughing.  And then she yelled things like, "Floor!  Lamp!  Wall!  Dog!" and got great amusement from me laughing at this stuff.  I laughed so hard and for so long that I cramped my abdominal muscles and made my entire face hurt.  It was great.  She and Girl Child were sitting there laughing at me laugh silently, clapping like a retarded seal.  I love being here.

So today hasn't exactly been exciting or anything, but all in all a good day.  I'm too tired to write anything of substance, sorry.  If I could, I'd get all Link Round Up or ranty or some shit, but I'm just too exhausted to put a coherent sentence together.  I may do a picture update sometime soon, though, because I need to perform a camera dump very, very soon.  It's completely full.  I've got pictures dating back to April on that thing.

I'm obsessed with playing Solitaire on my iPod lately.  I don't know what to make of this.

And now, laundry!